Cohabitation

So I've been MIA since I moved to Los Angeles. It's been pretty crazy, but things are finally settling down and I'd like to pick blogging back up because I miss you all!

LA has been pretty amazing, I've been working hard, making new friends, exploring the city, and living with my amazing Comic-Con Guy. I know it's a little crazy for us to go from living across the country to living in a house together, but we had been dating for 8 months!

And now we're coming up on a year and things could no possibly be better. Sure I pout when he works weekends (if you forgot, he's a sous chef), and I'm sure he's exhausted by how I've taken over the closet... guest room closet... all the closets!!! But I have never been in such a happy, well-rounded relationship before. I must say it's really amazing, though there's isn't much to blog about!!

But in case you were worried about me, my life is overall fabulous! Hopefully I'll be back in a more consistent basis though.

Rebounds

First Kiss and I have stayed friends, and I frequently hang out with his group on weekends still. Since Comic-Con Guy is in LA, I have lots of free time to spend with friends!! However, First Kiss is a bit... macho, so I've only mentioned my new boyfriend to him perhaps once or twice before. He seemed totally cool with it, so last weekend I brought up that we are planning to move in together this summer.

Well that did not sit well with him. He immediately called into question how long our relationship would last. Of course that riled me up, so I informed him that he and I had every intention of getting engaged after we moved in together. His response? "Rebound."

He immediately apologized after seeing the apocalyptic look in my eyes. He then went on to say he was actually the rebound from my divorce. This annoyed me almost as much. As I've mentioned, sometimes I'm a Relationship Quantum Leaper. But why can't my relationships just be, why do I feel like I have to defend their validity?

I began to wonder what the phrase rebound actually meant. I think a lot of people feel like it simply means a relationship quickly following another with the implication that the new relationship makes you feel better about yourself. Personally, I disagree.

I think there is nothing wrong with dating someone quickly after another relationship ends. Everyone talks about how you need to take time. But that's a very individual process that's different for everyone. And for some people (like me) it can be a very short amount of time. Secondly, EVERY relationship makes you feel good about yourself in the beginning. So a rebound needs to be more than just a new romance that makes you happy soon after a recent break-up.

I actually spoke with Comic-Con Guy about this and we came up with a different take on the rebound. We defined it as starting a new relationship with someone you wouldn't date otherwise for the main purpose of feeling better about yourself.

With that definition, I'm happy to report that I don't consider any of my relationships rebounds! Hook-ups on the other hand...

My Style Challenge: Be My Valentine

I had such am amazing Valentine's Day: ComicCon Guy flew in to see me! Even though we spent most of Thursday snowed in, our determined butts drove 60 miles out west from DC to one of the top restaurants in the country, The Inn at Little Washington.

Now I haven't celebrated a Valentine's Day in a long time. I had been going to NY Fashion Week for years, which falls during the holiday. And once I decided to stop attending, First Kiss wasn't exactly interested in doing anything special... So my first Valentine's Day with ComicCon Guy was a big deal! So of course I had to go all fancy style.

Yes, tutus in the snow are totally practical! I'm wearing: Tutu from Etsy shop Sweet Pea and Buttercup, pink tank from United Colors of Benetton, ASOS blazer, McQ Alexander McQueen coat, Nine West heels, Jessica Simpson hat, necklace from Nicole Miller, Marc by Marc Jacobs ring, spike bracelet courtesy of Stella & Dot, purse from a beauty event.

The Inn at Little Washington is pretty pricey, but so worth it!! They start you off with some popcorn dusted with truffles, and just bring you out random treats as you go! Here was my dessert... YUM.

The Nostalgia Hard-on

I have always tried to stay friends with my exes. When I date someone, obviously it's because we have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company, so why would I want to totally lose that? For some reason I have almost always been able to transfer my romantic feelings to feelings of platonic fuzziness. But after I got divorced, I began to notice a weird phenomenon.

The exes that I had stayed friendly with suddenly saw single me in a totally different (ie available) light. I first wrote about the boy influx almost a year and a half ago in Shark Bait. But as my non-married life has continued, I noticed a trend: 90% of the boys who hit on me were my ex-boyfriends... more than one being in pretty serious relationships themselves!

I've decided to call this phenom "The Nostalgia Hard-on." Kinda similar to when you think back to your childhood or high school days and only remember all those warm fuzzy memories and none of the crappy times.

The Nostalgia Hard-on isn't uncommon - people get back together all the time, even when they should know better. But when 90% of your male friends are exes... well, life can get a bit complicated. Luckily, I have Comic-Con Guy to keep the boys at bay. If only he was in the same time zone as me!!

Define "Too Soon"

So ComicCon Guy and I have been together for approximately six months now, and are seriously discussing getting engaged. For me, six months was always the minimum for engagement anyway. However, these past six months have not been in the same time zone and I'm not sure how that affects my "six months is enough to know" barometer.

Now we talk every day, we Skype and watch TV together, we see each other once a month. But we haven't spent more than five days together, we haven't gotten home from work cranky and tired together, we haven't argued over who should do the dishes or walk the dogs. So logically, I know there are still things we need to see about before we get married. And I definitely plan on living together for many months before a wedding!

But... we both seem to be having trouble holding off on the engagement bit. Lately it seems like "I love you" isn't enough and even I have had to stop myself from blurting out "Will you marry me?" I'm just so excited to say "I plan to spend the rest of my life with you and everyone needs to know it!"

I do feel like we shouldn't get engaged unless we are ready to get married the very next day, something that won't happen until our living situation changes. And yet... I just can't this stop feeling anymore! I've forgotten what I started fighting for.

Thoughts? Too crazy? YOLO?

Engaged To Be Engaged

My brains are going into my feet!

I've met the one!!*

* Pending continued relationship success.

So Comic Con Guy and I have been together for almost five months and have officially said, "I love you." As I've mentioned, being in love means something totally different once you're ready to make a serious commitment. To me it means: I see my future with you because I don't want to ever be without you. And, it turns out, Comic Con Guy feels the same way about love! Meaning we both have told each other we want our future to be with each other. So as you can imagine, our relationship has possibly hit ludicrous speed.

It's true, we are have discussed things like, "How many children do you want?" and "Do not propose to me at Comic Con 2014!" And, perhaps we are getting even more serious, talking about us moving in together next year and then getting engaged and then getting married the following year. And then of course two kids. I'm kinda amazed he hasn't run away screaming, hahahah.

Now don't panic, we're not running away and eloping. This would all be months away, after we have spent more time together dating. But, if things continue to goes as well as they have been, well..

It's funny how when you meet the right person, there's no doubt or hesitation or having to think about it. There's just excitement over what's to come!

First Comes Love

Not yet :P

Good news everyone!! I'm currently in Las Vegas this week for a conference, and the boyfriend came to visit me, and... I told him I loved him!

I admit for awhile I was fighting it. I didn't believe I could love someone after four months when we rarely get to spend time together. But I just can't fight this feeling anymore!

But I'm tired of trying to be logical about this. I know how special this relationship is, there's no hiding, there's no pretending to be someone else, he hasn't even been scared off by my ridiculous mood swings. I haven't been scared off by his mushiness. He talks about buying Christmas gifts for my dogs. We both know what we want out of life and it's pretty much the same thing.

I started off this trip knowing I would say it. As I has mentioned, I had been fighting it for a little. Logically, I know that we don't know each other as well as I would like - it's been just four months and we don't even live in the same state! But than I realized that if something would happen to either of us, I would regret forever not saying it.

Of course, he managed to say it first, hahah. I was going to tell him the first night, but he started getting super mushy. I just can't respond to mush with mush, hahaha. But on the second night, after driving home from his mom's (I met his mother!), he told me and I was so excited to tell him back.

So yay, I'm in love!!

My Style Challenge: Steampunk Halloween

I spent Halloween in LA with the boy! Much fun had! We did steampunk couple!

Rawr, I'm an airship pirate! With a mothaeffin katana!

Cosplaying as a couple rules!!! Whenever a boy is willing to dress up with me, I am pretty much the happiest person ever.

Ten Reasons Long Distance Sucks

I loved making my Top Ten Reasons Online Dating Sucks post, so here's another! I obviously read too much Buzzfeed...

Ten Reasons Long Distance Sucks

1. People secretly (or not so secretly...) thinking you are doomed to fail.

2. Beginning to find your monitor or phone disturbingly attractive.

3. You can't protect or take care of them in real-time.

4. Being the third (or fifth or seventh) wheel when you go out with friends.

5. Instead of going out and doing cool activities, date night is now Skyping on your couch in sweats.

6. Emojis do not take the place of tone and body language.

7. The bottle glass of wine you have every night now makes you an alcoholic.

8. You think about buying ridiculous gadgets to make you feel closer.

9. Your phone is always dead because you check it every two seconds.

10. That moment when their plane takes off after a visit.

Comic-Con Guy: A Profile

So it's been more than two months since I met Comic-Con Guy, mayhaps you want to know more about him? You already know we met at Comic-Con and are obviously both super geeky, but I'd hate for you to think he's one dimensional.

He's a chef! No, I haven't made him cook for me yet, we're long distance, remember? We've really only spent vacation time together and I'd feel bad making him cook. But perhaps the next time I visit him...

He reads my blog (hi, honey!) and read up on why First Kiss and I broke up a day or two after meeting me. And he's made it very clear that it wasn't an issue, which is nice to know upfront instead of wasting months and months..

He loves music and plays instruments! He plays the bass and guitar and is trying to learn the mandolin.

I once told him that the red panda was my patronus / sprit animal, and he's call me "panda" ever since - cute right?

He is also divorced. It's odd how that managed to take a lot of pressure off us. Sure, it's different for everyone, but we both just instantly understood what it felt like to see your partner of years and years walk out on your relationship.

Those are five fun facts about my new boyfriend, who is wonderful and makes me feel like I'm the most amazing thing to ever have happened to him! Things are going well, can you tell? :P

Two Romantics Walk Into a Relationship...

Comic-Con Guy's visit was awesome! We went to practically all the monuments in DC, some I had never been to before, and a super nice restaurant I hadn't even heard of called Corduroy I must recommend. We wandered in Georgetown and had brunch and mini pies. I even got pissy and upset at one point and he totally managed to get me to open up and make me feel better. Best of all, my favorite moments were us just sitting on the couch, watching geeky things and cuddling. It made the vision of us in a day to day relationship so much more real. The snuggles, oh how I miss them already!!

And he may have dropped the L-Bomb and I may not have freaked out over it! I should note, what he said exactly was "I think I love you," which is less panic-inducing. And I refrained from saying it back, even though I admit I love everything I know about him so far. But, having known each other for less than two months, this was a complete 180 from my last relationship, which moved at  glacier-like pace.

No getting around it, the last guy I dated, First Kiss, was a commitaphobe. I suppose it's to be expected when an independant person can't fully figure out what they want out of life... not only are they unsure of their future, they want to figure it out on their own first before they see themselves "settling down." And it worked for me at the time, as I needed to take things slowly before I moved forward. But naturally I'm a bit of a romantic.

And it's becoming apparent that Comic-Con Guy is as well. So what happens when two romantics ready for happily ever after start dating? Well, we haven't started picking out china patterns yet, but we are meeting in Vegas in November and I have felt the need to say "Let's not get drunk and get married." His response?

"You sure?"

Relationship Quantum Leaper

A few of my friends have noted that I seem to go from relationship to relationship without spending more than a month or two single. After all, it was barely more than a week after First Kiss and I broke up that Comic Con Guy and I met, and probably only a few weeks more before we decided to give long distance a go.

Luckily, all of my friends who have known me for 10+ years (two of my best friends are middle school and before!) have zero concerns. I suppose they've seen me be "Single V" enough that they aren't worried that I'm a relationship addict.

Of course time changes everyone, and perhaps now that I've had a taste of sweet, delicious long term relationship, I must have more? And well, the fact that I'm ready to settle down with someone certainly doesn't help.

But I don't believe it will drive me to stupidity. I know that I do end up dating again more quickly than most girls do and that maybe I should take more time to heal after a break up. But I also know that I do trust my instincts and go with my gut. And when I know a guy isn't right for me, I shut that down immediately. Because, yes, I told more than a few guys that we should only be friends before Comic Con Guy and I got all official relationship-y.

And I again have a very good feeling about this, something Comic Con Guy has echoed: "This doesn't feel like early relationship excitement. It feels like something so much deeper."

No, my instincts aren't always right, if they were I certainly wouldn't be divorced. But it's not like they're horribly wrong either, where I have a really good feeling about my pot smoking, guitar teaching ex or Mr. Maybe I'll Leave Her For You.

So, fingers crossed, perhaps I won't boff up my happily ever after with my actions!

Long Distance Sucks

So it's been more than a month since I've seen Comic Con Guy. And can I say... long distance sucks.

I still feel odd calling this a full-on relationship, just because we only had three days together before I went off to the other side of the country. Right now it's easy for everything to be sunshine and flowers because we're communicating solely through digital means. Neither of us has much "out in the world so this is how this person acts in reality" experience. Not that I expect him to break off in the middle of a conversation to kick a puppy. But it's important to spend in-person time together to know how a person really responds to various situations and whatnot, and right now we don't have that. So I sense myself actually being very cautious for once. I don't like it!

However, things digitally have been going super awesome. If you ever happen to find yourself in a similar situation, I highly recommend having a webcam - Skyping has made a huge difference! Also, we downloaded an app for couples called Between, where we can text, send pictures, save dates and write each other memos. Yeah, when I log in there's a countdown for when he comes out to visit me - 16 days! Hahaha, we're kinda epically cheesy.

We're going to start accumulating a lot of miles. Because while technology has made it much more bearable to be away from someone, in the end you need that in-person connection to keep things going.

Angel vs. Devil

And a new player has entered into my chaotic love life. This new guy has a British accent and ridiculous cheekbones, so let's call him Spike. Anyhoo, Spike has decided he will seduce me into settling down here with him or something like that. Spike knows about Comic Con Guy and does not care, and has decided to play the role of sexy bad boy - he is the devil on my shoulder.

And Comic Con Guy is definitely the angel on my other shoulder. Sweet and thoughtful and an all around nice guy, he is who my thoughts drift to. And things would be just perfect... if we didn't live on the other sides of the country.

So here I am with Spike the bad boy, close at hand and plotting to win me over somehow, with the angel far away. Now, yes, I am an adult and some damsel in distress who can't fend off the affections of a nefarious man. But I must say the whole situation has thrown me a little. What exactly is his strategy? Is there some plan I would be susceptible to? Will the long distance get to me? I don't like having these questions!

The "It's Not a Relationship" Relationship

So as I've mentioned, I made a new friend at Comic-Con. Comic-Con guy is super sweet, loves all the same things as me, and lives on the side side of the country. So even though we both were into each other, we decided it would be best to just stay friends.

And yet... we text each other every day. Probably the longest we now go without some form of communication is from when I go to bed to when he wakes up. I have suddenly lost interest in my online dating profiles. We're planning on trips out to see each other. He already knows more about me than First Kiss, who I dated for more than eight months!!

Maybe we're both being weenies and by entering into a faux relationship instead of a scary real one. But it does feel very real to me and there is some opportunity for it to get even more so... but we shall see!

New Friends Across the Country

So I've pretty much wrapped up my Comic-Con 2013 coverage! Except for one thing... I kinda met someone! It was all very convoluted and a little drama-filled but I have to give you a little bit of a run down, of course!

So my BFF Alyssa and I met a guy the first night, let's call him Comic-Con Guy, who seemed super friendly and nice and outgoing. I really liked how we could all vibe off each other and have great conversations together. Let's just say Alyssa and First Kiss just didn't have the same mesh-iness. Anyhoo, I was planning to have dinner alone the next day and decided to instead man up and eat with this new friend instead! I am constantly terrified of awkward silences, but we had so much in common that I had an amazing time! Such a good time that I was super happy to meet up with him at a party the next night while Alyssa was still at a panel.

Again, we talked and talked. Suddenly he took my hand and I was like, gosh, what's happening, is he trying to make his ex jealous (she was at the party with her new beau)? And then the next thing you know he was kissing me! Is this my new thing - guys who surprise me with a smooch? It's not like I had zero idea that he was into me, but I'm pretty damn good at convincing myself that I'm just being an egotistical brat and that I'm wrong.

But don't you worry my lovely readers, I'm not jumping into a new relationship super fast yet again. Comic-Con Guy lives across the country in California. We talked and decided that long distance isn't something that can work, especially for people who have just met. However, we are definitely staying friends and I'm hoping he visits me in DC sometime soon!

Ten Reasons Online Dating Sucks

Since I'm single again, I decided to try and focus on my future and provide myself with some distraction with a little Match.com. After one day here's how I feel about the whole thing:

Ten Reasons Online Dating Sucks

1. Getting contacted by someone who obviously didn't read your profile, ie they don't want kids and you definitely do.

2. Being viewed by someone cute, but then they don't message you.

3. Wanting to go to said cute person's profile to see if they've been online recently, but knowing they would know.

4. Guys who are 37 looking for women 21-28.

5. Knowing that coworkers, exes and random acquaintances could come across your profile.

6. Getting a page of great results, except none of them have been online in 3+ weeks.

7. People who have two neck up selfies with sunglasses on and that's it.

8. Winks, nudges, pokes, etc. We're not even in person and you're so wussy you can't send a message?

9. People who love to have fun, spend time with friends and laugh... yeah, because most people hate that stuff.

10.Online dating sucks. But dying alone is worse.

Need Waterproof Mascara

I'm not usually one for pity pics, but how could I not?

I finally seem to have followed a deadline that I've given myself. Sunday I had first real chance I had to break up with First Kiss after 4th of July and I took it - I am again single.

Breaking up with a guy I loved while we were still so happy may be one of the hardest decisions I've made in a good long while. But he didn't see himself married  and with children in five year and I did. Without a future, I know I would have grown bitter and angry and there would never be a chance for us later in life.

Because I'm sadly still holding out a bit of hope. Well, hope alternating with a "When Harry Met Sally" epiphany over and over again: "All this time I thought he didn't want to get married. But, the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me."

It's funny, I did the breaking up, but he did the rejection. Talk about crushing to realize.

So off I go again on my journey to find real love...

The Deal Breaker

Oh what a difference a few weeks make. Or really just one conversation.

Over the weekend First Kiss and I began the "where is this going" conversation, and I let him know that I expected to be married and had begun having children in the next five years. He, on the other hand, did not see that for himself in that time frame.

I found this to be quite distressing and a little surprising... we're not 26 anymore, people! After some tears I told him I should leave, and he immediately disallowed it. Apparently this was all things we "had to think about" but not act on yet. Um, we want different things in life, but you want to pretend everything is ok?

In the end, I decided to wait until after the 4th of July to try and end things again, simply because I am bringing him to a special event at the White House and I figure he can at least have that cool memory first. And I suppose part of me is hoping he'll mull it over and be open to marriage and babies. But I know that you can't just make that kind of life changing decision in a handful of days only to make someone else happy. It will only breed resentment in the end.

So I guess that, even though I love him, I have to love me more.

Love Chicken

I'm super excited to feel ready to tell First Kiss that I l-o-v-e him! Yes I feel ready in the sense that I'm comfortable in how I feel... but not ready in the sense that I'm totally terrified to actually say it!

When I titled this post, I meant it to be a loose analogy to playing chicken - where two cars drive at each other and the first to swerve loses. But now I think I was subconsciously calling myself a chicken, hahah.

It's been more than seven months since First Kiss and I got together and neither of us have dropped the l-bomb. Is this normal? I am glad in some ways... many of the times I thought I was in love I wasn't and the relationship didn't even last as long as my current one! And, as I've written before, my definition of love has changed as I've gotten older into something much mor serious. Now when I say "I love you," it means "I want a future with you." Last time I was dating I had just begun to think about marriage and children. Now, well, let's just say every day my Facebook newsfeed makes me want to kill myself :P

I've asked around and most of my girlfriend aren't very comfortable with saying "I love you first." We're all weenies! But I do know this: If he doesn't love me, I should know now. So, even though I'm completely terrified of saying it and freaking him out, I'm giving myself until the end of the month to do it... hold me accountable!